: I decided to stop drinking #coffee. not as an experiment – as something permanent. I’ve been circling around this for months, mentioning it here and there on my blog. #caffeine affects me too much, and I don’t like the state it puts me in.
after a few days without it, my body calmed down. mornings were quieter. my head clearer. less tension, less internal noise. I started dealing with silence more easily.
then I was out for breakfast with @anna, at a coffee place. and… I ordered coffee. without thinking. a large one. probably two espressos. no decaf, no pause – old habit took over. and yes, the taste was great.
the reaction wasn’t. tension came back almost immediately. tight chest, restless body, mind speeding up for no reason. after a few calm days, the contrast was brutal. this is what caffeine does to me. I’ve known it for years, but feeling the difference so clearly is something else. they gave me a sugar packet, I added it automatically. once I broke one rule, breaking another was easy. caffeine plus sugar – old pattern, no reflection. that part disappointed me.
I went back to not drinking coffee at home. things settled again.
and then one early morning, with work to finish, I made coffee at home. actually, two. something completely normal for the old me. this time I noticed something new. not just tension – my heart rate went up. not panic, not chaos. smooth, controlled, but clearly faster. my body noticed before my thoughts did.
that moment stopped me.
when caffeine isn’t constant anymore, its effects become impossible to ignore. it’s no longer background noise. it’s a clear signal. coffee isn’t neutral for me. it changes my #nervous system. it shifts my internal tempo. it puts me in a state I don’t choose.
this isn’t a lesson learned. it’s part of the #process. I’m still adjusting. still slipping sometimes. still paying attention. but the decision is clear – I don’t want caffeine in my life as a daily, mindless habit. maybe it can be useful sometimes. maybe not at all. I’ll see.
this post is just a marker. this is where it became obvious.
