: well…. my ex-wife asked the Church to erase our marriage. wow. I said no. not because I’m angry or want to make anything harder, but because I can’t agree to delete a part of my life that was real.
our story ended long ago – but it did happen. and it mattered. I can’t accept the idea of pretending that a huge, beautiful, complicated part of my past was just some mistake that should be erased.
I lived it consciously. I knew what I was doing. I took those vows honestly. and I believed – in my own way, maybe not perfect, maybe not always strong, but real. faith is not a competition. it’s not about who believes “more.” and nobody gets to measure it for you.
I don’t want to cancel my past. I don’t want to cross out the years that shaped me, taught me, and still live somewhere inside me. it was real. it was love. it was life. and it deserves to stay part of my story.
you can move on without erasing what once was.
: I have Tourette’s. a pretty mild case. I’m fine with it – I can control it, or rather blend it into my daily life, my movements. it’s all good, I don’t feel bad about it. people usually don’t even notice – even the ones who’ve known me for years.
BUT! things get really weird when I use my #apple devices.
oh man, that’s when the tics start being a real issue.
but not real tics – the ones #apple makes me do. the ones I actually love. I keep moving my head in random directions, answering #siri through my #airpods. I wave one hand around to control my apple watch. and sometimes the other hand shakes too – enough to activate the damn “shake to undo” gesture on my iphone.
now that must look strange.
: I went out today. and i already love this day. I can feel it – I’ll recharge my batteries. I just have to make sure I don’t do something stupid… like ending up with some kind of fast food.
: following up on my yesterday’s start with the new #harrypotter on audible… wow, what a feast for the senses 🙂 I absolutely love this production. a full-cast audiobook – with actors, music, and sound effects – it feels like watching a movie. only better. because I watch it through my imagination (which, by the way, is pretty well-trained!). and the best part? no cuts. no missing scenes like in the films. pure magic.
: …and also, apple music keeps playing me so many #polish songs. and this, I don’t understand. I was never that huge fan of polish music.
well, I like it – it’s my first language after all – but not in this quantity.
maybe I just never told apple music clearly enough not to play me this kind of songs. so, like always in life – the fault’s on my side 🙂
: #apple#music, when I play something called “my station”, keeps giving me sad songs. well, mostly. spotify didn’t do that. and i wonder – does apple music think i’m a sad person? need sad songs? need this reflection time with music? or does it just remember me as that person?
I used apple music for many years, then switched to #spotify just a year ago. and honestly, I’m a completely different person now. #spotify knows only the new me – without the old luggage.
three years ago, my life was quieter. I was rebuilding, searching for my new self. kind of lost in some ways, unsure what to do, I guess. transforming.
and when I started using spotify, I was already dancing, moving, breathing differently. had that energy that spotify saw – and learned.
so maybe it’s time to raise apple music to who i am now.
tuesday, 04.11.2025
: so I’ve just finished another jazz class – first one with a new choreography. and I have to say one thing. ech… it’s jazz. no, no, no — it’s fucking jazz!
I’m still failing at it. well… ok. I’m learning. it’s a fail for me only because I’m not as good as I want to be. I know, I know – these are lessons, we’r all learning how to dance, it’s all part of the process. but come on, come on, come on. I have to shake off all these emotions. and I’m… oh, I’m so bad at this that I don’t even want to watch the video from this choreography. I recorded it to learn – but honestly, I’m not sure if I can even look at it. it was hard, sure. but still, I feel like I should’ve done better.
so yeah. this is jazz. no – this is fucking jazz.
: well, a few days ago I installed #strava. and you know what? I think I already uninstalled it in my head.
I wanted to like it. really. I thought: “okay, it’s the main app for sport – everyone uses it, so maybe I should too.” but after a few days, I don’t see it. I don’t feel it. and that’s the problem – I don’t feel it fits me.
sure, it connects my workouts from the #applewatch. but I hate that it pings me after workouts, and that sometimes I have to open the app just to make the sync happen. and then – the flood of notifications. small, random pings about things I don’t care about. it’s supposed to motivate me, I guess, but honestly it just drains me.
and that’s kind of the story with Strava for me – I can see how it works, I understand what it tries to do, but it doesn’t speak my language.
because I don’t want an app that yells “run more” or “beat your record.” I already have that voice inside my head.
what I need is something that understands me – my rhythm, my needs, my life system. something that looks at all my data and says: “Greg, I’ve noticed this pattern. when you dance in the evening, you sleep better. when you skip stretching for two days, your mood drops.”
that’s the kind of feedback I want – not another “congratulations, you earned a badge.”
I’m more of a journal person than a sport app person. I like apps that help me understand myself. that reflect something back to me. I want my apps to sync, to talk to each other, to quietly guide me – not command me. like a wise companion, not a drill sergeant.
and maybe that’s why Strava doesn’t work for me. it’s built for runners and bikers – people who chase stats. but I’m not chasing numbers. I’m chasing awareness. I’m chasing connection. I want something that fits into my whole “fine life” system, not something that just counts calories and speed.
when I think about the perfect app, I imagine something that combines kindness with brutal honesty. like: “Greg, you messed up. you skipped stretching again. fix it.” – but said with love.
I don’t need soft motivation, but I don’t need pushy alerts either. I need truth. the kind that kicks me, but keeps me going.
and maybe one more thing – I like when an app describes me. when it tells me who I am based on what I do. like: “you’re the kind of person who dances late, works in cafés, and runs only when he feels like proving something.” I want that kind of reflection. because it helps me see – and sometimes change – my patterns.
so yeah… maybe Strava is not for me. and that’s fine. because sometimes, trying an app is not about finding a tool – it’s about finding yourself. actually, it’s more than “sometimes.”
: i just bought audible’s new Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Full-Cast Edition). i’ve been waiting for this for months.
i had to bend the rules a little, because amazon here in poland…… licensing and this kind of stuff…. come on, I needed this one 😅
i know the polish version by heart – seriously, i’ve listened to the whole series a million times. and every single time, it was pure magic. nothing will ever beat piotr fronczewski reading harry in polish. not even stephen fry.
but still… this full-cast version? that’s something else. I just had to wait for this one. and now I’m ridiculously excited. can’t wait for the evening. first chapter. in bed. well… on my yoga mat 🙂
back at hogwarts again.
: oh man, I can’t stop laughing. I’m sitting in a #café and a little boy walks in – maybe 8 or 9 years old. he orders something tiny, espresso-sized – maybe a mini hot chocolate, maybe even #coffee. doesn’t matter. and let’s not even get into whether he should be drinking that at his age.
but he ordered it. got it served in one of those tiny espresso cups… and then had to carry it – full! – across the entire #café without spilling a drop.
not an easy task when you’re 8. and it really was a big #journey for him. he walked. slowly, carefully, like on a tightrope. eyes locked on the cup, every step deliberate and precise.
it took him a full two minutes to reach a free table – with some people’s eyes glued to him and his little #journey.
he finally sat down, drank the whole thing in three seconds… and walked out.
and I nearly burst out laughing. all that effort – for what? 🙂
: well… it looks like I’ve finally switched from #spotify to #applemusic. I knew it was coming. am I happy with this change? partly, yes. but I already miss Spotify’s music recommendations. with Apple Music I feel like I stepped back five years with my playlists. maybe it’s just a matter of changing my habits and the way I use the app. I know I can accomplish the same things I had on Spotify – it just needs time.
now, the next step is to change my podcast player from Spotify to… well, I’m thinking about Apple Podcasts or Pocket Casts.
it looks like I’m slowly staying loyal to just two companies – Apple and Automattic (the company behind WordPress). I just wish Automattic would integrate all their apps more. I’d love to use Day One as my main diary editor and sync it directly to my WordPress blog. the same with podcasts in Pocket Casts. and Simplenote! I’d totally use it – but is it still in development? will they abandon it? it feels so disconnected from other Automattic tools.
honestly, I could easily replace my Apple-centric ecosystem with Automattic’s one – with my WordPress blog at the heart of it. actually, that’s where I’m heading already. it would just be so much easier if their tools talked to each other a bit more.
sunday, 02.11.2025
: so, I’ve installed #badoo again. it’s like tinder, you know – swipe, match, chat, repeat. I do this once a year, maybe. I don’t even know why now. because I know it’s not a good idea. you can meet people there, yes, but not the kind of people I actually want to meet. and not in the way I want to meet them. still, here I am, doing it again.
maybe it’s because I’ve been a bit #sick lately. a little cold, a little tired. it’s hard to be alone when you don’t feel great. when everything’s fine, being alone feels fine too. but when it’s not – that’s when it gets harder.
and maybe… maybe it’s not even about #loneliness. maybe I just needed to do something. something that feels like movement, but isn’t really. maybe installing the app is just a trick – to make myself believe I’m doing something about that small emptiness inside. like scratching an itch that doesn’t really go away. maybe it’s just my way to calm a few #emotions down without actually changing anything. because deep down I know an app won’t change anything. it never does.
this is not a ritual. it’s a moment of weakness. but also a small experiment in self-control. because I can watch myself from the outside and think: ok, that’s my brain observing my #emotions again.
for most of the year I’m fine alone. maybe not happy about it, but I know it’s best for me. my life isn’t typical. I’m not typical. it’s hard to share a life like mine – full of strange routines, weird habits, constant changes. even my kids, who love being here, probably wouldn’t want to live like me all the time. sleeping on a yoga mat, eating while standing, no table, no chairs. I know. not exactly family-friendly.
and still, sometimes, I just want someone to share a moment with. not to take care of me, not to fix anything. just to share something, to make the hard parts a bit easier. that’s probably what I’m really looking for when I swipe. but even that thought feels strange to admit. like something slightly shameful. maybe because I think I should be above it. maybe because needing someone feels too human for the version of me that wants to stay in control.
the funny thing is, I don’t even believe in “second halves.” my brain keeps telling me it’s impossible, that it won’t happen. and my brain is usually right. but my #emotions… they don’t care. they just go.
and I have this complicated relationship with my #emotions. I don’t like them, because they lead me to wrong things – fast food, Netflix, wasting time. but they also bring me to good things – dance, for example. my brain knew I wanted to start dancing, but it was my emotions that pushed me through the door of my dance school for the first time. same with switching my blog to English. my brain planned it for months, but my emotions just said ok, now. they’re the starter, the accelerator, the reason I actually move.
my brain is the strategist. my #emotions are the doer. and I guess I need both – even if one of them keeps installing #Badoo once a year.
in the end, maybe it’s not sadness. maybe it’s just physics. and I’m just learning how to balance the forces.
(notes on creating a mobile-friendly front-end editor)
for a long time I’ve been thinking about how to make #wordpress not only my publishing tool, but my daily #writing environment.
the #wordpress admin dashboard works, but it was never made for quick, #mobile, everyday #writing – and definitely not for #iphone.
so I started exploring how to make my own editor – a small, #minimal interface on top of #wordpress – that lets me post, edit, and publish content in my own way.
: oh my god, it’s weekend. and it’s a free weekend for me. nobody’s coming, nobody’s waiting, and there’s nothing in my calendar that’s connected with anyone. so I can do whatever I want. I can focus on myself. and that’s exactly what I need.
today’s a public holiday here in Poland, so everything’s closed – stores, places, even people, somehow. all classes are cancelled, so no roller blades with my kids this weekend. free Saturday, free Sunday.
I think I won’t even go to the gym today. I just want to clean my space. clean my head. clean everything around me after weeks of that renovation at my aunt’s house, which I’m kind of in charge of. people were here every day, from 6 p.m. till late – one electrician stayed till 11:30 p.m. last time. so yeah, it’s been full days of my presence being borrowed.
and now, finally, it’s quiet. it’s mine again.
october 2025
friday, 31.10.2025
: dear #apple, listen up, very carefully: i don’t want my #iphone to fold (or unfold). i don’t want it to transform into an #ipad – that’s a bad direction. #iphone should stay thin, pockety, simple. it’s supposed to disappear in your hand, not unfold into something clumsy.
but #ipad… oh, that’s a different story. i want my 11″ #ipad to grow. to open up. imagine this: you use the small one on the #bus, on the go, #reading, #sketching, #scrolling. then you sit down in a #coffee place, and it unfolds – smoothly, beautifully – into a big one. 14, maybe 15 inches. a full workspace. a writing desk. a creative field.
#iphone should stay what it is: the quick, smart tool in motion.
#ipad should become what it wants to be: a #screen that expands with your space.
maybe #apple should stop trying to make the #iphone bigger
i already live somewhere between these two worlds. i have three ipads, and i love every one of them. the mini – not the latest version – is my pocket #ipad. perfect for evenings, checking #rss feeds, #reading on #instapaper, sometimes even #writing short #blog posts.
the eleven-inch pro (with m2) is my travel #ipad – i’m actually #writing this post on it right now. it’s also my #imac companion, my everything-device when i’m away. if i had to choose just one, this would probably be the one. it’s perfect.
and then there’s the air – the 13-inch one. oh my god, i love this device. i love working with it in cafes, love #writing on it at #home, listening to #podcasts in the #morning while i make #coffee – even though its speakers are worse than the pro’s.
each #ipad has its own place in my #life. i love them all.
but the minimalistic me says it’s too much.
and i know i’ll have to let one go someday. i just don’t know which one. it’s going to be hard.
so please, #apple – make that foldable #ipad next year.
so… it was last Tuesday of the month, and the last round with this #jazz#choreography. and yeah, it’s not exactly a masterpiece from my side – actually far from it. closer to tragedy – especially when I’m watching it. but you know, it’s #jazz – my own little nightmare – and it’s tricky. it always is. I regret that I’m not as good as I’d like to be. but maybe that’s fine.
i’m putting this #video up here – again – and again, it’s kind of a little reality check for myself.
it’s the last take of this piece, so it’s like: okay, this is where I’m at, and this is how much work there still is to do. and that’s that.
new choreo next Tuesday.
thursday, 30.10.2025
: I haven’t been weighing myself lately, because I’m afraid of what I might see on the scale. so I just let it go. I try not to think about it, not to look at it. I even threw it out of my morning routine, just so I don’t accidentally see the number.
yeah, I know… but the fact that I’m writing about it probably means I’m getting ready to change that.
: no dance today. no gym, no #rush. well, ok – with some #rush, I guess, because there’s a lot going on around my place lately. but at least I don’t have to go anywhere today.
I woke up with that small sore throat again – not really #sick, maybe just enough to slow me down. maybe it’s an #excuse, maybe not. but it’s a good one – hard to argue with.
I’m sitting at @Jeff’s, eating #breakfast, and for the first time in days, the world feels a bit slower. lately everything’s been moving around me – the renovation at my aunt’s house, people walking through the yard, decisions to make, things to fix, voices everywhere. I don’t mind helping, but it fills the space that used to be quiet. and I miss that quiet.
funny thing is, I like my life now. I like the rhythm I built – the dance classes, the movement, the workouts. but this other rhythm – the constant coordination, the noise – that’s not mine. and I guess my body decided to draw the line for me.
so maybe that’s what this morning is about. not skipping anything, not being lazy. just taking back a bit of stillness. remembering that I don’t have to fill every hour with effort. that silence can be part of the rhythm too.
: yesterday I started new modern jazz classes at my #dance school – @revolution dance center . new trainer, @anna . I remember I had one or two classes with her before, few months ago, when she was replacing someone. i remember it was nice. and now she’s here again, with her own group. so i joined.
first classes are always strange. everyone’s new, everything’s new. but i like that. I like training basics, even though i’m not good at them. that’s exactly why I like them – because there’s always something to fix, something to polish. and Anna has her own style – soft but demanding. new movements, new way of thinking, new rhythm. and that’s what i need.
I had to resign from classes with @kamila , which was hard. I really like her. but I still have her classes on monday and friday, so I didn’t lose her completely. i just added something new. but yesterday, when I watched a video from @kamila other group – the one I left – I felt jealous and had #fomo. they were dancing this new project choreography and it looked great. and I missed it. I missed being there.
but I know this is the right decision. because if I want to grow, I have to keep changing. I can’t stay in one place, even if it’s a good one. every trainer has their own piece of the same dance style – maybe 10% of it – and if i keep learning from just one person, I’ll only ever get that 10%. but when I change, I get another 10%, and then another. and maybe that’s how I’ll build the whole picture one day.
so, I guess this is not only about dance. that’s just how I live. i can’t stay in the same place too long. I need new things, new ideas, new people around me. that’s how I grow. that’s how I breathe.
sometimes I wonder what’s next. in my dreams, I see myself as a dancer who can show his dance, maybe teach someone how to move, maybe even stand on a stage and inspire others. and when I wake up, I’m still just here – at my school, with my classes, learning, training. maybe i don’t believe in myself enough. or maybe I just love this road so much that I don’t want it to end.
and maybe one day I’ll do something crazy again – something that will change everything. because I know myself. I probably will.
friday’s modern jazz class again. third one with the same #choreography. and still… i keep messing things up. it’s funny – during the class, i often think i’m doing fine. the rhythm, the energy, the #flow – all good. but then i watch the recording, and damn… i can see everything. the shoulders that go up instead of staying relaxed. the steps that are just a bit too wide. the head movement that doesn’t fit. and all the ten thousand other things. all those tiny details that make a big difference.
but I actually like this process. I like seeing what’s wrong, noticing what needs to change. it’s like fixing a puzzle – piece by piece, frame by frame. that’s why i keep recording my dances and putting them on the blog. it’s not about showing off, it’s about keeping track. watching myself learn. learning to see what i couldn’t see before.
and maybe that’s the best part of all this – not dancing perfectly, but dancing a bit better every time.
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