today feels like the real beginning of something I’ve been trying to do for years: quitting sugar. completely. and it’s already the second day of this journey.

the funny thing is, it’s not like I’ve been stuffing myself with sweets every day. actually, the opposite. for the last few years I’ve been slowly cutting sugar down, reducing it step by step. well, for most days I guess. let’s put it this way: I had my moments. no dessert after lunch, no candy during the day. drinks were a different story – I haven’t touched regular coke for a long time, but even the zero version felt like drinking something sugary. still, sometimes I managed to avoid that crap. but even with all that progress, I could never make the final cut – the moment where sugar disappears completely from my life. there was always something. a little bit in my morning coffee with oat milk and that one teaspoon of sugar – which I loved having every day. a tiny snack at home. small, harmless exceptions that kept the door open.

and this is the part I could never beat.

until now.

a few days ago I decided that when I finished the sugar I already had at home, I simply wouldn’t buy more. no big ceremony, no diet, no huge rules – just: when the jar is empty, that’s it. and two days ago, I used the last teaspoon.

there was this strange moment when I thought about giving myself one last small goodbye treat. one last sugary coffee. one last piece of that cake I had in my kitchen cabinet. something symbolic. but the more I thought about it, the more it felt wrong. I didn’t want the last treat to decide the ending for me. I didn’t want sugar to get a goodbye celebration. I wanted the choice to be mine.

so I did something I’ve never done before:

I poured the coffee out.

I skipped the cake, just broke it into small pieces and threw it away.

and I decided that I am the one closing this chapter.

and yesterday, I had my first coffee without sugar – and I didn’t fight with it. I didn’t avoid it. I didn’t panic inside like the last times. I just accepted it, calmly, like something that simply belongs in my life now. I wasn’t trying to survive a rule. I was just living with a decision. so many similarities to my first day without cigarettes many years ago.

and you know what? like with cigarettes – the first day without it was quite easy. the excitement of having this new journey, this progress in my life – it helped me survive. the second day is much worse, because you know, I’m not “quitting” anymore. it’s the day of new reality. sugarless reality. so on this second day… coffee without sugar isn’t so good. it doesn’t taste like victory, it tastes like new rules, new me. but it’s ok.

talking all of this through with my chatgpt companion helped more than I expected. it made me say things out loud instead of keeping them floating in my head. it reminded me why this matters: I want more energy. I want to feel healthier – no, I want to be healthier. I want to be stronger in my dance training. I want my mind to be clean and focused. quitting sugar isn’t only about sugar – it’s about trusting myself enough to follow through with something that’s good for me. it’s about getting even stronger.

I know the real test will happen in the store in a few days. that moment when I pass the sugar shelf and my hand automatically wants to reach out. but I also know that if I hold that line for a few days – maybe a week, maybe two – it’s over. for real this time. and I feel it’s coming.

so yesterday was day one of zero sugar. today is just another day of new me.

not because my life was full of sugar before, but because I finally removed the last tiny piece of it.

the final detail.

the last exception.

the door fully closed.

next step?

fast food. eating outside. shutting down another old habit.

see you at the next station – in a few weeks I hope.